I am back...hopefully more often than not

I have been contemplating writing another blog for quite some time. It becomes a little more difficult as my interactions become less and less with complete strangers and more & more with people I know (as I don't get out of the house as often as I once did)... which means my blog topics would be real life real people who actually know me, thus making it a little hard to randomly blog about them. So, I will try to keep it real as best as possible without making my friends & family my target.

With that being said... my newest blog....


One of the things that I struggle with the most is being a working mom. I really like working and I really like being a mom, but the two together can be quite the stressor. I have thought & thought & can't really put my finger on what it is that really makes this combination killer, but trust me. It is.

I think the biggest thing about being a working mom is that you are just setting yourself up for disappointment in so many ways. There is never enough of you to go around, and the thinner that you are stretched, the easier your crazy button is triggered! :-)

I was thinking earlier about past 'disappointments' in my life. Most of these things only affected me, and most of these things weren't really that big of a deal. A bad date, a bad haircut, an hour stuck in traffic, a Chinese delivery man who was annoyingly late. All disappointing, yes, but they really don't hold a candle to the disappointment that a Working Mom sets herself up for.

I start my day by disappointing my son most days. Maybe that is the narcissistic mom in me - thinking that my son would rather spend the day with me rather than anyone else - but every morning as I make my way into the office, there is a nagging in the back of my head thinking, "Is what I am doing today really worth it vs. leaving JD behind in tears??"

Along the course of my day, there are so many things that cause true heartfelt disappointment in my life. Now, this is not to say that I do not enjoy myself & that I do not have major positive points throughout my day as well... I'm just trying to explain what it feels like to be a working mom... or maybe just a mom in general.

One thing that really disappoints me is when the people that I love are not as totally crazy about my son as I am. I mean, my son is the Bee's Knees. For real. :-) Now, I know that I love my son more than anyone else loves him. I know I have that "mother's love" that makes me hold his pedestal higher than anyone else sees him as, but still. Sometimes people that I know seem to forget that JD even exists. Isn't that annoying?? He is the A #1 thing in my life, and he has fallen off the radar of a lot of people, including people that I really love. I'm sure that I have probably committed similar offenses against my friends when I was younger & well... single, so I try not to hold it against them. But, other people that fall a little closer than the "friend" category... well, I expect these people to remember to make him a priority, and I find myself being disappointed when not everyone sees him as the natural wonder that he is.

On a lighter note, something else that is just plain disappointing as a mom is your body after children. I mean, honestly! What in the world?!?!? Why didn't someone warn me about this?? I remember a conversation that I had with a friend once about her preconceived notions about life after baby while she was pregnant. She told her aunt, "I'm just so amazed that your belly can stretch out so big during pregnancy and then after the baby is born, just suck down back to normal size." And her aunt laughed in response. :-) I wonder why.

I am 15 lbs lighter than the day that I got pregnant with JD, yet some of my old clothes still don't fit. Yes, they are too small. But, yet, I weigh 15 pounds less, so in all logical practicalities, one would think they would be too big. But no... they are too small. It's like that Yoplait commercial where the girl is in the cleaners and she's trying to tell ol' girl to take her pants in and ol' girl keeps saying "out" and the other girl keeps saying "No... in."

Only I guess it's really like the opposite of that. I guess I can blame part of that on my son and I can blame part of it on just getting old?

Something else that really bothers me about being a working mom is that there is never enough time in the day. I guess that really applies to all moms, though, "working" or not. I don't have enough time at work, and I don't have enough time at home. When one is going well, the other is not. It's a constant balancing act... a juggling routine with more & more balls thrown up in the air. Eventually, they will all come crashing down... unless I become a really good juggler.

Anyway, I know this blog is kind of depressing, but that is really just the mood I am in right now. Life lately has thrown us a few lemons, and we are in the midst of finding a really juicy lemonade recipe. :-)

Now, with all this said, I do love my son more than life itself, and I will pat myself on the back (because, heck, no one else is, lol!) and say that I am a damn good mom. And... even more than that, I have a dang wonderful son as well. :-)

I realized yesterday... I am a mom.

Now, I have been a mom for 14 months today, so you would think that I would have "realized" this before. I think I realized that I was definitely a mother after that first night bringing JD home when I was wondering when in the world would I ever have the chance to get another wink of sleep again, but for some reason, it hit me - I am totally a "mom."

I am no longer just Amy, a fun gal who likes to drink white zin, scour the mall for sales and spend her weekends sleeping in & going out to dinner with her hubby. I am now Mommy Amy... who never has time to drink white zin, rarely can ever make it to the mall, and now defines "sleeping in" as staying in bed until 7:30. Quiet dinners with my husband are also a thing of the past as if we bring JD, it is sure to be not at all quiet, and if we can actually persuade a babysitter to come to our house, 99% of the time, we are going to some type of event - not just a leisurely evening on the town.

My life. My, how it has changed.

What brought me to this realization is last night - I met someone new - now this person is not on my FB and has no knowledge of this blog, so I can feel free to type away! :-) She actually just got engaged to Jeremy's sort-of cousin and lives smack dab in New York City.

Anyway, the two of them came over to say hi while they were in town, and as Jeremy jabbered away to his cousin, I was making conversation with his new fiance. Great! Adult Conversation!!! One of my favorite things!!!

And, wouldn't you know it, the only thing that seemed to be consistently coming out of my mouth was baby. Blah blah Baby. Blah blah JD. Yada yada mom stuff. Yada yada parenting.

OMG, I was even annoyed at myself!!! It seemed that I could not hold a conversation without some way, shape or form relating whatever it was to JD. I think something just chemically happens to you when you are a mom that the #1 most exciting thing to you is talking about your child. I love JD so much & think that he is just the world's greatest little man. In my eyes, everything that he does is hysterical or adorably cute (yes, this is a mother's love talking). I just can't get enough of him.

Most days, I spend a lot of time talking about him... and last night I realized... I am "that mom" - you know the one... all of those single gals dread her because she seemingly can only talk about her children. So, to my non-mommy friends, let me apologize in advance. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I do realize that when I open my mouth to talk about something other than JD, that it doesn't always work out that way... and I'm working on fixing it.

Please be patient, though, because gosh, that little JD is just so darn cute. I mean, did I tell you what he just did today?????..... :-)

Annoyances.

Sometimes, I happen to run across certain situations that just really manage to rub me the wrong way. Out of all of the situations that rub me the wrong way, it is very rare that I can really let loose & blog about one. Being that my blog is a public site, I am never quite sure who reads it, so I never want to offend someone who is unknowingly reading my blog and yada yada yada...

Anywho, one thing that REALLY annoys me is people who have blogs that really shouldn't have them. Now, I know there is at least one person out there who is thinking, "Wow, Amy, you have just really managed to describe yourself." Well, let me clarify that it's professional people who get paid to blog who have really sucky blogs that annoy me.

Allow me to exemplify my concerns:

(1) There is a blog on kmov.com called "The Mommy Diaries" that is written by one of their newscasters or employees or someone who is detailing her trials & tribulations as life as a mom. And, on top of that, she has a son who is just a few weeks older than JD, so she basically should be living my life. SO, one would think that I would have a tremendous interest in this blog.

However, this blog is quite possibly one of the worst blogs I have ever read in my entire life. Go check it out for your life. Seriously. I am not lying. Her son just turned a year old and she had a little blog about planning his first birthday bash. Now, I'm not one to pat myself on the back, but come on now. There are a TON of stories I could tell about planning JD's Spooktacular Boo-day Bash... from trying to get the invitations done, to "making" (and when I say making I really mean eating) numerous icing coated sugar cookies to my extended family's "help" with the bash (and when I say help I mean...well...ok.... that's one of those ix-nayed blog topics). But, anywho, you get my drift. There is a ton of material on planning a first birthday bash. It is a mommy's dream.

But ol girl Mommy Diaries blog is like, "Oh wow, Jude is one. Planning his party has been so much fun. We had a joint bash with a friend of mine's son who is also one. Here is a picture." (end of entry)

Wow, thank you Mommy Diaries for wasting my time...and the news stations money while you're at it. That blog is horrible, and thank God it was so short that it was only less than 5 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

(2) So... this was a blog that was a "featured story" on one of the other local news sites - ksdk.com. One of the news anchors on there decided to live her life as if she were on food stamps - limiting herself to $28/week to spend on food. (That number may be off because I really don't think that a single person spending $28/week on food would be a HUGE stretch. Maybe I am wrong?)

Anyway, this blog was also very awful. For this week-long extravaganza, ol girl managed to enter 3 blog entries I think. The first was talking about how "Wow, good thing I can get my friends to buy me lunch & dinner. Since I didn't pay, I don't have to include that in my budget and the best part of all is that then I have leftovers!"

Um, girl. I'm kind of thinking that you're missing the point of your assignment here. I mean, hello. I highly doubt that all of the people on food stamps have friends who are willing to buy them multiple meals a day so that their budget stretches a little further.

Then, a couple days later, ol girl writes an entry about going grocery shopping. Said blog was about 3 paragraphs long and all the paragraphs sucks. Apparently she bought lots of peanut butter. And a few other things but I don't remember because the blog was so awful I have blocked it out of my memory.

OH, I lie. She also went to Soulard Farmer's Market. Bought tons of veggies for $6. Does the Farmer's market take food stamps in reality? Just asking.

Anyway, it was a very non-descript entry and overall really sucked. She again had some other news anchor buying her $5/morning coffee habit for her because she apparently was crabby without it. Again, missing the point, I think.

Then, she ties it all together with a high-power, grab-your-attention, 5 sentence blog about how "Whoa, relax everyone. This was just meant to bring awareness to the food stamp situation. blahdee freakin' blah."

Anyway, I ramble. My point is that both of these blogs are awful, and both of these people are paid to blog. Where is the justice in society?????

Signs of the Times...

I was running some errands the other day, and my path happened to take me on a drive right past my old townhouse. Man, did I love that little place!! It got me thinking about times past, times changing, and the future times ahead of me.

I would have to say that living in that townhouse were some of the best days of my life. I don't think I've ever felt more alive than when I lived there. Living there, I think, was one of the most feel-good, liberating, world-by-the-tail things that I've ever done for myself. I owned it by myself, for myself, and loved all of the freedom that choice gave me.

Not that I didn't love all of the times in my life that I had lived with roommates (and roommies, I love each & every one of you with all my heart), but living alone was absolutely wonderful I thought. I could stay up as late as I wanted with all the lights and music on. I could come home on dark, rainy nights, pour myself a glass of wine and enjoy the quiet. I could vacuum my house at 11pm if I wanted to. I could wake up and turn on my radio without fear of waking anyone else up. I cleaned up after only myself. I had no one to tell where I was going & when I'd be back - no one to answer to when I stayed out too late or overslept by hours the next morning. My closet was ALL MINE, and my fridge was filled with only my favorites. My Tivo was set to only girly shows, and I could watch them at my discretion. Gosh, thinking back about that makes me wonder why I gave all that up.... :-)

Anyway, I know I wrote a blog the other day about how far women have come in the workplace but yet still wondering where it left us in the social place, and I've been thinking since then a lot about chivalry.

Chivalry. Now there is a word that is not used enough in our society!! I know some of you reading this may have the most wonderful husbands who open the door for you, plan romantic dates for you, schedule babysitters for your mom nights & hand over the credit card for your shopping sprees with a smile. If this situation is yours, then please, quit reading now!

I heard someone talking about chivalry a few days ago about how chivalry is not dead... it's just not required anymore. And that got me to thinking.... which eventually led to me writing! :-) I think chivalry not being required is not necessarily a bi-product of lazy men (although,let's face it ladies, a lot of men do fit that description!), I think that it might just be a bi-product of women who are competent and are very good at "doing it yourself."

One thing that I never thought that I wanted during my single girl days was to be taken care of. What did I need to be taken care of for? I was very capable of doing it all myself - I was living in my own little world with the world by the tail and did a fine job of keeping the boat a'rowing. I wanted someone who saw me as an equal, not as a dependent... someone who could rely on me just as much as I relied on him. I don't really think I'm alone in feeling that way... am I????

Now, as a mom who is stretched thin to say the least, I am left wondering why in the world I ever thought that!! :-) I am wishing I could re-turn the wheels and re-"train" my husband to think that I am not very good at all about doing it myself.

I mean, if I were a guy and knew that my wife could run out in the rain for groceries, then why would I do it for her? Would I open her car door for her when we went out together knowing that every day she does it for herself when she heads out to work? Would I plan a date for her knowing that she's always better at knowing what food she's in the mood for, and would I compliment her when I know that her facebook friends complement her pictures enough for weeks on end? Would I plan a special Mother's Day gift for her when I know that she always buys what she wants anyway? Would I take the car for an oil change when I know that she is very capable of driving to Valvoline on her own?

I could go on & on... really. I could.

As a mother of a son, how can I make sure that he will one day answer all of these questions with a yes, and as a wife of a husband who sometimes...err..."lacks" in the chivalry department, how can I get him to understand that yes, I can do it myself, but no, I don't always want to have to....

May the best hand win...

Sometimes I feel that parenting... and post-child marriage, I guess... is sort of like a poker game. You have to try to keep your cool and somehow manage to bluff your way into a winning game. It's give & take, always wondering what trick the other is going to pull out of their sleeve next.

Somehow, in my personal marriage game of hold 'em, my husband always seems to have the easy cards... he always manages to pull of that straight flush that gets him out of bedtime duty, bath duty, dinner duty, or early morning duty. I'm not quite sure how he works it, but time & time again, I am out-smarted into giving him the night off while I do it all.

Now, sure sometimes he does his "Man-work" days where he is out in the yard working or out in the garage tinkering around. During the "man days", it is strict instruction for me that he is doing his man labor, so by default, I am doing mommy labor all day.

Yes, he is working around the house, and I do realize that I need to keep my eye on the big picture here, but during these Man Days, I keep JD out of his hair so that he can catch up on his Honey Do list around the house. My, how great would that be if someone kept JD occupied all day long so I could do MY Honey-Do list, too. Mine seems to be growing in length as each day ticks by (and grows closer to JD's first birthday bash), but no one seems to be concerned with giving me some un-interrupted time to get things done. As a mom, I just need to multi-task and work it into my day. However, as a dad, he needs to escape from his son for hours of uninterrupted labor. How exactly did that happen??

Today is one of those Man Days... it sort of happened by accident that Jeremy pulled his ace out of the hole but he is crossing things off his list and I am inside with JD. Shortly after lunch, Jeremy comes in and asks, "Is there anything you need to get done today?"

Stunned at this question, I could rattle off a million things - 10 loads of laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dishes, laundry shopping & a trip to Wal-Mart, but instead I reply, "Um, a shower would be nice."

"You want to shower today???" My husband questions me as if I just asked for a $500 afternoon shopping spree.

"Yes, a shower." And, with that, I was off to the bathroom - one of those very nice closed-door type of showers that mothers get to experience very infrequently. However, tick, tick tick... can't dawdle too long, before I was back on duty for pre-naptime routine, and the Man Work resumes.

I start to get mad, but then I realize that my husband just does not get it, and it's not his fault. He has never tried to carry an overloaded laundry basket upstairs with an 11 month old child who "thinks" he knows how to climb the stairs. Or tried to unload the dishwasher with an 11 month old child who makes a bee line right for the sharpest knife in the dishwasher faster than mommy can grab it. Or tried to unload groceries with an 11 month old child who screams after every time the refrigerator door slams in his face, mad that he was not quick enough to get to play in the fridge today.

It is hard. I love it, but it is hard, and some appreciation would be nice. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that my husband is working around the house. But in this marriage world of give & take, it would be nice if I had a Woman Work day , too.

When the sun goes down...

There is just something about going out of the house after dark that is just plain ol' exciting. Maybe the fact that I think this should be my clue to myself that I need some real excitement in my life, but with it getting dark so gosh darn early, I feel myself getting "excited" when I hop in my car after dark.... only to end up at Walmart or the grocery store.

I guess it's still a lingering train of thought from my single girl days... the days, or should I say nights, when anyone who was anyone didn't leave their house to start their night until at least 10pm. I'd spend all day lounging, all evening resting up, and all night out on the town living it up. Those were the glory days, I suppose. Now, this mom is lucky to still be awake at 10pm, but for some reason when I'm outside in the dark, I just get this tinge of something I can't explain.

I don't know what it is about the dark... it brings on that air of excitement and an element of mystery that makes me feel like I am about to do something really fun & special. Then, I realize that I have just arrived in the Dierberg's parking lot to run in for some milk, apple juice & a thing of butter... then turn around, hop back in my car & hurry to get in my comfy pajamas before I miss Glee or The Office.

Hello, old lady life, I have arrived.

Sports and license plates

The other day I was driving and of course you all know that I LOVE license plates... Anyway, I was stopped at a red light behind a little black sedan with a plate that said NXT YER 1 with a Cubs plate hold around it. Although I'm not a baseball fan myself, I had to stop and laugh at this one. That's pretty clever, if I do say so myself. Although, nowadays, I'm thinking of adopting that same plate, only with an Illinois football ring around it instead...

But anyway, that brings me to another point... baseball. I know this is an unpopular viewpoint, but I would like to go out on a limb and say THANK GOD the hunt for Red October is over. I know, I know, boo, hiss, boo hiss. What a bad St. Louis-an I am.

I must admit that I was captivated by the final game in the 847 game season of our redbirds. I guess it was due to the fact that something was actually on the line - it was the make or break point for the Cards - do or die.

I think that is the problem with baseball. There are SO MANY games that it is total overload - and who really cares if they lose to the Cubs the first 27 times they play them this year, I mean, we will play them again another 27 times before the season is up.

I know... unpopular viewpoint, but I am GLAD Red October is over - baseball is cozily behind us and now we can focus on the important things in life - football and Halloween. :-)

Anyway, as a sidenote, I saw another plate this morning "DR JJP DC." Now, does anyone besides me see a problem with this license plate??? Isn't this a little redundant??

This is one of the things that I find most annoying, and I don't know why. OK, Guy. We get it. You are a doctor. A doctor of chiropractic to be exact... yes siree, I do understand initials, however, I just don't quite understand why this particular Dr. DC feels it's a must to tell the little car behind him at a red light that YES, he is a doctor.... and why yes, he must tell me this twice within a matter of 7 characters.

Annoying.

Anyway, I'm sure that I've seen other interesting plates, however, my memory is continuing to fade as visions of pumpkins & birthday parties dance in my head. :-) Hope you all are enjoying this start to fall as much as I am!!