When do you know???

My little boy is 11 months old day. 11. Months. Old. Wow.

Lately I have found myself watching his adorable little baby self crawl around my floors and cruise around my cabinets and just sitting, wondering, thinking... "How in the world did my baby get so gosh darn big???"

It seems like the months have flown by, and it seems like just yesterday that I was holding my little newborn bundle in my arms thinking, hoping & wishing that I could maintain my sanity for just a few more months... and once I made it to that point - the point that all new moms wish for... the point where you can put your little one down and they will actually sleep the whole night through. If I could do THAT, then I would be OK.

Well, here I am. I have made it. My little man keeps his midnight calls to a minimum and as of late, his 5am wake-up cries have been waning as well. This is the sweet spot, where I am getting to know my son as a little person, not just as a baby that needs to be cared for, but actually as a little guy with his own personality... someone that adds so much delight to my day.

So, why in the world am I thinking that I want another baby??? Now, logistically speaking, I don't think this can happen now. I firmly believe that we should sell our home before having another child, but still.... that doesn't help me when I see these adorably cute little teensy tiny babies all over the place.

So, how do you know exactly? How do you know for sure?? Well, I guess Baby #1 I didn't exactly know for sure prior to his conception, and that has worked out OK, but still. I have heard that the jump from 1 to 2 is a big one. So... when to say when, I guess that is the question.

I'm not going to lie... I do enjoy this sweet spot right now, and I don't think I'm ready to be preggo tomorrow. I am enjoying being a normal sized mom, not a preggo-sized one. I enjoy being able to drink, and I especially enjoy knowing that no where in my near future is a crying baby who wants to see me frequently during the wee early morning hours.

Anyway, like I said, logistically, I know that now is not the time. Sanity wise, I don't think that now is the time. However, I guess I'm wondering, fellow bloggers, how did you decide and were you ready?

Need to vent...

Just this past weekend, I had the opportunity to go see my good friend Jill and her precious little newly born baby girl. OMG, I *loved* her, and it really made me want to start to have another one... but then I quickly snapped back to my senses as Jill started to talk about their first 2 nights at home. I thought back to my first few weeks at home and aside from all the blissful love that you feel for your little one, the other part of being at home with a newborn is nothing short of pure misery.

Thinking & reflecting back to how I have survived almost a whole YEAR with my little man got me to thinking about the demands on our generation's wonder woman. I have always been very pro-women's right and women's lib and all of that, but I really started to wonder where that all has gotten us.

Yes, women are more integral in the workplace environment, and yes, an increasing number of women no longer see a glass ceiling. We women can fulfill our dreams, not matter what the goal. There are no limits to our talents... but also there are no limits to our demands.

However, I think a very underestimated bi-product of this era is the realization that in order to be successful in today's world, you must be a true wonder woman.

I recently told my husband that I pretty much feel like I suck at all parts of my life. I am not at work enough to be really good at my job, yet I am not at home enough to be really effective at home either. When I am at home, I want to focus on being a mom, however, part of being a 'mom' is being a homemaker... and I don't have enough energy in my day to focus there.

I don't have enough leisure time to classify myself as a 'good friend', yet my friends are a dangling lifeline to my prior life filled with fun & sanity. I get one night to myself a week and have to pick between exercising or escaping with a friend. And, when I do get that night to myself, the one thing that I truly want is just quiet.

My day starts with a crying baby, endures through a nagging workday, relishes in those 2 hours each day post-work that I get to spend with my son while he is actually awake, and then abruptly ends when I fall asleep on the couch by 8:30. I don't know where the 'me' is in my life... but I feel confident that I will re-discover that aspect someday, as I try to grow more efficient in my quest to be everything to everyone.

By doing everything, I really feel like I'm doing nothing. Throughout my life, I have been a 100% person, trying to put full effort into whatever I do, however, by trying to throw being a mom into the balancing act, the time & effort required by such a large task (and I do LOVE being a mom) will totally negate all time previously plotted for me, my friends & my house and will wear deeply on the amount of time & energy I have available for a workday. Trying to squeeze all of these back in the juggling routine has ended with me flat on my ass surrounded by a bunch of bouncing balls.

I don't know... it seems that working moms and non-working moms sort of fall into an "us vs. them" mentality. Us working moms think about how nice it would be to be able to be at home and FINALLY have the time to get everything done that has been neglected for months (as if staying at home is some sort of vacation, which believe me, I know is not the case)... and I know a good amount of stay-at-home moms who are jealous that we working moms get to have adult conversation every day and also have the opportunity to make a quick run to Target sans kiddos on our lunch break.

I guess each generation has their issues. Each woman has her own struggles. I know this woman does.

Thinking back about 'progress' makes me just wonder what we have done to ourselves... now our place is not in the home, but it's still not at work. We're expected to be a main income contributor, but be the main home provider as well. We are the manager of our home, and turn around to be the manager of our work. And no matter what the demand, I know in my life, it seems like the only person I can ever make happy is my son... and that's probably only because he doesn't have a clue about what's going on, lol! :-)

Today's woman has just squeezed in another main course into her meal.... and when you eat that much, there's usually no time for dessert. I don't know... I just needed to vent. Sometimes I feel that there is so much going on in my life, that I actually start to become invisible and the only thing that matters is the fruit of my labor... it can be really frustrating, and I hope all of my faithful little blog followers don't feel the same...

*HUGS* Amy

10 years already?!?!?

This weekend is my 10 year high school reunion, and although I can't really believe that it's been 10 WHOLE YEARS, I guess I really can believe it because high school seems LIGHT YEARS away. I mean, I can 'remember' high school of course, but really it all kind of just seems like a blur - with just little snippets of the highlights sticking out. I don't really remember day-to-day high school life, and that makes me kind of sad, but I guess I will get my chance to re-live it for a night this weekend! :-)

What DOESN'T seem like 10 years ago is the start of my college career at U of I... moving into the dorms and meeting all the girls, including one of my best friends Michelle... sauntering over to the guys' side and meeting all of them as well. Where would my life be without Chris & Ed??? :-) It blows my mind that that has also been 10 years ago. I mean, wow!

Anyway, I could type and type recalling my memories of days gone by, but I think I'll focus this blog in a little bit about the actual reunion itself. Initially speaking, I was of course going to go to the reunion... I mean, why wouldn't I? But upon further thinking, I realized (a) I can hang out with my current-life high school friends for free without spending 70 bucks to do so and (b) I already keep in contact with my true friends from high school (well the majority of them at least!).... and for all of the others, I have lovely facebook to give me up-to-the-minute-updates with what they are doing with their lives now, so.... it kind of takes the allure away of wondering who is married, who has kids, who gained weight, who has totally changed, etc. etc.

I guess when it comes right down to it, I think people as a whole either go to their reunions to (a) see or (b) be seen... and I guess I'd have to say the former appeals to me a little more right now, so I have coughed up my money, signed Jeremy and I both up for a night of fun, and will be partying like it's 1999 this weekend. I think when it comes right down to it, I am curious to see how people look, yes, but I am really curious to meet my high school classmates as adults now, instead of little teeny boppers, and see how the dynamic with our class has changed as a whole.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have some stories afterward, but for now, I'll just stick with my own story - and that story is that I am looking forward to the reunion this weekend!!!

Wally World

Growing up, I remember Wal-Mart was like my favorite store.... strange fact, but true, but we are talking middle school here people! Maybe because I had no real other options or maybe it was just a function of where I grew up, but I never quite thought of Wal-Mart as the place where ghetto, white trash people shop.

I guess maybe I learned that in college. I took a brief hiatus from my WM days starting senior year of high school, and then throughout college I shopped at Meijer (love, Love, LOVE that place!), and then for some reason after all those years without it, I decided to look up my ol' love Wally World and give it another try.

Now, I know. Normal people shop at Target. Crazy ghetto white trash people shop at Wal Mart. It's just like some sort of unspoken rule.

However, in my recent quest for saving money, I have compared prices between Target & Wal Mart and man, oh man, I found some big differences! Hence, I decided to suck it up and make WM my staple store.

(As a sidenote, I guess that means that by default, I am now ghetto white trash, lol. Oh well!)

Anyway, somehow I managed to find myself at Wal Mart 2 days this weekend - 2 days in a row!! And each day I saw some very bizarre happenings...

(1) Friday as I was walking into Wal-Mart, there was some random girl like sitting on the curb right outside the store talking on her cell phone obviously VERY upset and obviously crying. It was pretty strange... this girl was very WT and somehow she thought that it would be a good idea to spill her life's sorrows on the curb there at Wal Mart.

I made a brief trip around the store (obviously a little too brief as I had to go back again today), and on my way out, the cops had apparently been called and were trying to calm this girl, who was growing more & more agitated as each minute ticked by. I did not slow my step to watch this trainwreck taking place (as many, many others did), but from where I overheard I guess this girl was upset because some guy was no longer letting her live with him????

I really don't know, but I highly doubt that the front step of wal mart is the place to air your grievances.

(2) So, today, I re-pull up into my friendly neighborhood WM parking lot and park 2 spaces away from some old man who was just sitting there, chilling in his pick up truck smoking a cigarette. I initially glanced at him, thinking it was strange, but didn't think that much of it, and grabbed JD from the back seat to enter the store.

Another brief trip around the store, and I return to my car only to find ol' boy still sitting there just chillin' in the parking lot as if it were some sort of hot spot. At this point, I started to get creeped out, especially since his truck was behind me as I was buckling JD in. But, at this point, ol' boy decides the he actually needs to bump the tunes a little louder. He was playing old folk music SUPER loud, just hanging out in his truck with the door open, just a'puffin' away. Very strange indeed.

But, I am glad to say that he did not sneak up behind me and try to steal my purse or something.


Anyway, the moral of the story is that I am wondering if the 5 or 10 bucks I save each trip is really worth exposing JD to the lunacy that is Wal-Mart. I mean, really. I will have to think long & hard before my next trip for sure.

I'm back!!!

Hey all of my faithful blog followers, I'm back! I have been super busy and the things that have been going on in my life haven't been things that I feel like blogging, but alas, I have stumbled upon something that has gotten my goat and I feel like flappin' my lips about it.

The Presidential School Speech

I am SURE you have heard about this. If not, hop on ksdk.com or cnn.com and you can read all about the "uproar" that has been created from President Obama planning to address our nation's children in an upcoming 'pep talk' of sorts.

OF COURSE, everyone is all CRAZY about this... saying that they are 'scared' of what he will say and that he will use this platform to create a 'cult' that will encourage his 'socialist' ideas.

Oh. Puh-leeze!!!!!

This is the PRESIDENT of our country. The same man who the majority of American voters decided to vote into office to guide our country over the next 4 years... one of the most influential people in our country and certainly in a prestigious position that a good number of children aspire to reach.

Who better to encourage them to work hard and stay in school than the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. I mean, honestly!!!! It is just absurd to think that there are people out there who honestly believe that he is crafting this speech for the purposes of political propoganda.

He is NOT the first President to address our nation's children. This is not a new trend of 'liberal propoganda.' The last address to our nation's schools was actually by George Sr. in 1991... but... oh right... THAT was OK.

I just find it seriously annoying that people are so hyped up being anti-Obama that they oppose to anything within a 10 mile radius of his reach... not EVERYTHING that he does has to be so awful.

Allow the man to encourage your children. Kids are kids. I honestly hope that the majority of middle-schoolers and younger do not have a clue about what is going on in this nation's political realm and they do not know that Obama is 'some crazy radical liberal.' The only know this. He is their country's PRESIDENT. And, no matter what your beliefs, that is a position of respect, of honor, and of integrity, and it would be nice if people would put politics aside, and muster up enough respect for the President of their country to allow him to nationally address our school children without such political backlash.

Alright, soapbox over. Good night!!!