Just this past weekend, I had the opportunity to go see my good friend Jill and her precious little newly born baby girl. OMG, I *loved* her, and it really made me want to start to have another one... but then I quickly snapped back to my senses as Jill started to talk about their first 2 nights at home. I thought back to my first few weeks at home and aside from all the blissful love that you feel for your little one, the other part of being at home with a newborn is nothing short of pure misery.
Thinking & reflecting back to how I have survived almost a whole YEAR with my little man got me to thinking about the demands on our generation's wonder woman. I have always been very pro-women's right and women's lib and all of that, but I really started to wonder where that all has gotten us.
Yes, women are more integral in the workplace environment, and yes, an increasing number of women no longer see a glass ceiling. We women can fulfill our dreams, not matter what the goal. There are no limits to our talents... but also there are no limits to our demands.
However, I think a very underestimated bi-product of this era is the realization that in order to be successful in today's world, you must be a true wonder woman.
I recently told my husband that I pretty much feel like I suck at all parts of my life. I am not at work enough to be really good at my job, yet I am not at home enough to be really effective at home either. When I am at home, I want to focus on being a mom, however, part of being a 'mom' is being a homemaker... and I don't have enough energy in my day to focus there.
I don't have enough leisure time to classify myself as a 'good friend', yet my friends are a dangling lifeline to my prior life filled with fun & sanity. I get one night to myself a week and have to pick between exercising or escaping with a friend. And, when I do get that night to myself, the one thing that I truly want is just quiet.
My day starts with a crying baby, endures through a nagging workday, relishes in those 2 hours each day post-work that I get to spend with my son while he is actually awake, and then abruptly ends when I fall asleep on the couch by 8:30. I don't know where the 'me' is in my life... but I feel confident that I will re-discover that aspect someday, as I try to grow more efficient in my quest to be everything to everyone.
By doing everything, I really feel like I'm doing nothing. Throughout my life, I have been a 100% person, trying to put full effort into whatever I do, however, by trying to throw being a mom into the balancing act, the time & effort required by such a large task (and I do LOVE being a mom) will totally negate all time previously plotted for me, my friends & my house and will wear deeply on the amount of time & energy I have available for a workday. Trying to squeeze all of these back in the juggling routine has ended with me flat on my ass surrounded by a bunch of bouncing balls.
I don't know... it seems that working moms and non-working moms sort of fall into an "us vs. them" mentality. Us working moms think about how nice it would be to be able to be at home and FINALLY have the time to get everything done that has been neglected for months (as if staying at home is some sort of vacation, which believe me, I know is not the case)... and I know a good amount of stay-at-home moms who are jealous that we working moms get to have adult conversation every day and also have the opportunity to make a quick run to Target sans kiddos on our lunch break.
I guess each generation has their issues. Each woman has her own struggles. I know this woman does.
Thinking back about 'progress' makes me just wonder what we have done to ourselves... now our place is not in the home, but it's still not at work. We're expected to be a main income contributor, but be the main home provider as well. We are the manager of our home, and turn around to be the manager of our work. And no matter what the demand, I know in my life, it seems like the only person I can ever make happy is my son... and that's probably only because he doesn't have a clue about what's going on, lol! :-)
Today's woman has just squeezed in another main course into her meal.... and when you eat that much, there's usually no time for dessert. I don't know... I just needed to vent. Sometimes I feel that there is so much going on in my life, that I actually start to become invisible and the only thing that matters is the fruit of my labor... it can be really frustrating, and I hope all of my faithful little blog followers don't feel the same...
*HUGS* Amy
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I could have wrote this myself! I know 100% how you feel. The frustration of doing it all - rushing out the door in the morning after getting everyone ready and where they need to be, the mental stress of the work place, coming home and cooking dinner, giving baths and then realizing it is already 8:00 p.m. and the precious time with your child has already passed and it is now their bed time. Then you straighten up the house and pay bills or whatever else. It is a us v. them. I would give my right arm to spend the day with my child. And you can have adult conversations. Most SAHM's I know go to MOPS groups, send their kid to daycare one day a week or do play groups. I know it sounds mean but it is hard for me to feel sorry for SAHM's. Maybe because I am a little jealous :)
ReplyDeleteI love your post, Amy!!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you mean... I am in a weird classification, the road between working mom and SAHM, since I run the child care business from here. I am home with my kids, but I am busy working all day, too! I am glad that my work at least involves my children, even if they are not always getting 100% of my attention. It is totally hard to find time to squeeze in cleaning, laundry, dishes, garbage, cooking, etc... while trying to meet the needs of all 4 kids! This is why I decided to get rid of the dogs. It was one extra that I really did not have time for.
And unfortunately, it only gets worse as they get older... putting them in front of a toy to entertain them while you get a few things done becomes less and less OK when they need to be learning their alphabet and learning to talk and learning to count and learning to potty... It seems like the demands just increase exponentially as they get older! I miss the days when I could just lay Henry on his back on the playmat for an hour while I did some work with Lucy.
No matter while lifestyle you lead... working mom, SAHM mom, or both, the facts are all the same -- there is not enough time in the day to meet everyone's demands. And your needs always seem to get met last, if at all.
I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, though... and it is called "grade school." :) I know one day they will be off doing their own thing for 8 hours a day, and it is then that I will truly miss this chaos that is my life right now.
As crazy as motherhood can be, I think we can all agree that we would not trade the messiness and chaos for the world!! But we are human, and sometimes we just need to vent about our frustrations as a way of reflection and to truly appreciate the hard work we do. You are doing a wonderful job -- and you do not suck at everything you do! You are a wonderful mom, and JD is one lucky little guy!
~Michelle~