I was running some errands the other day, and my path happened to take me on a drive right past my old townhouse. Man, did I love that little place!! It got me thinking about times past, times changing, and the future times ahead of me.
I would have to say that living in that townhouse were some of the best days of my life. I don't think I've ever felt more alive than when I lived there. Living there, I think, was one of the most feel-good, liberating, world-by-the-tail things that I've ever done for myself. I owned it by myself, for myself, and loved all of the freedom that choice gave me.
Not that I didn't love all of the times in my life that I had lived with roommates (and roommies, I love each & every one of you with all my heart), but living alone was absolutely wonderful I thought. I could stay up as late as I wanted with all the lights and music on. I could come home on dark, rainy nights, pour myself a glass of wine and enjoy the quiet. I could vacuum my house at 11pm if I wanted to. I could wake up and turn on my radio without fear of waking anyone else up. I cleaned up after only myself. I had no one to tell where I was going & when I'd be back - no one to answer to when I stayed out too late or overslept by hours the next morning. My closet was ALL MINE, and my fridge was filled with only my favorites. My Tivo was set to only girly shows, and I could watch them at my discretion. Gosh, thinking back about that makes me wonder why I gave all that up.... :-)
Anyway, I know I wrote a blog the other day about how far women have come in the workplace but yet still wondering where it left us in the social place, and I've been thinking since then a lot about chivalry.
Chivalry. Now there is a word that is not used enough in our society!! I know some of you reading this may have the most wonderful husbands who open the door for you, plan romantic dates for you, schedule babysitters for your mom nights & hand over the credit card for your shopping sprees with a smile. If this situation is yours, then please, quit reading now!
I heard someone talking about chivalry a few days ago about how chivalry is not dead... it's just not required anymore. And that got me to thinking.... which eventually led to me writing! :-) I think chivalry not being required is not necessarily a bi-product of lazy men (although,let's face it ladies, a lot of men do fit that description!), I think that it might just be a bi-product of women who are competent and are very good at "doing it yourself."
One thing that I never thought that I wanted during my single girl days was to be taken care of. What did I need to be taken care of for? I was very capable of doing it all myself - I was living in my own little world with the world by the tail and did a fine job of keeping the boat a'rowing. I wanted someone who saw me as an equal, not as a dependent... someone who could rely on me just as much as I relied on him. I don't really think I'm alone in feeling that way... am I????
Now, as a mom who is stretched thin to say the least, I am left wondering why in the world I ever thought that!! :-) I am wishing I could re-turn the wheels and re-"train" my husband to think that I am not very good at all about doing it myself.
I mean, if I were a guy and knew that my wife could run out in the rain for groceries, then why would I do it for her? Would I open her car door for her when we went out together knowing that every day she does it for herself when she heads out to work? Would I plan a date for her knowing that she's always better at knowing what food she's in the mood for, and would I compliment her when I know that her facebook friends complement her pictures enough for weeks on end? Would I plan a special Mother's Day gift for her when I know that she always buys what she wants anyway? Would I take the car for an oil change when I know that she is very capable of driving to Valvoline on her own?
I could go on & on... really. I could.
As a mother of a son, how can I make sure that he will one day answer all of these questions with a yes, and as a wife of a husband who sometimes...err..."lacks" in the chivalry department, how can I get him to understand that yes, I can do it myself, but no, I don't always want to have to....
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
May the best hand win...
Sometimes I feel that parenting... and post-child marriage, I guess... is sort of like a poker game. You have to try to keep your cool and somehow manage to bluff your way into a winning game. It's give & take, always wondering what trick the other is going to pull out of their sleeve next.
Somehow, in my personal marriage game of hold 'em, my husband always seems to have the easy cards... he always manages to pull of that straight flush that gets him out of bedtime duty, bath duty, dinner duty, or early morning duty. I'm not quite sure how he works it, but time & time again, I am out-smarted into giving him the night off while I do it all.
Now, sure sometimes he does his "Man-work" days where he is out in the yard working or out in the garage tinkering around. During the "man days", it is strict instruction for me that he is doing his man labor, so by default, I am doing mommy labor all day.
Yes, he is working around the house, and I do realize that I need to keep my eye on the big picture here, but during these Man Days, I keep JD out of his hair so that he can catch up on his Honey Do list around the house. My, how great would that be if someone kept JD occupied all day long so I could do MY Honey-Do list, too. Mine seems to be growing in length as each day ticks by (and grows closer to JD's first birthday bash), but no one seems to be concerned with giving me some un-interrupted time to get things done. As a mom, I just need to multi-task and work it into my day. However, as a dad, he needs to escape from his son for hours of uninterrupted labor. How exactly did that happen??
Today is one of those Man Days... it sort of happened by accident that Jeremy pulled his ace out of the hole but he is crossing things off his list and I am inside with JD. Shortly after lunch, Jeremy comes in and asks, "Is there anything you need to get done today?"
Stunned at this question, I could rattle off a million things - 10 loads of laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dishes, laundry shopping & a trip to Wal-Mart, but instead I reply, "Um, a shower would be nice."
"You want to shower today???" My husband questions me as if I just asked for a $500 afternoon shopping spree.
"Yes, a shower." And, with that, I was off to the bathroom - one of those very nice closed-door type of showers that mothers get to experience very infrequently. However, tick, tick tick... can't dawdle too long, before I was back on duty for pre-naptime routine, and the Man Work resumes.
I start to get mad, but then I realize that my husband just does not get it, and it's not his fault. He has never tried to carry an overloaded laundry basket upstairs with an 11 month old child who "thinks" he knows how to climb the stairs. Or tried to unload the dishwasher with an 11 month old child who makes a bee line right for the sharpest knife in the dishwasher faster than mommy can grab it. Or tried to unload groceries with an 11 month old child who screams after every time the refrigerator door slams in his face, mad that he was not quick enough to get to play in the fridge today.
It is hard. I love it, but it is hard, and some appreciation would be nice. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that my husband is working around the house. But in this marriage world of give & take, it would be nice if I had a Woman Work day , too.
Somehow, in my personal marriage game of hold 'em, my husband always seems to have the easy cards... he always manages to pull of that straight flush that gets him out of bedtime duty, bath duty, dinner duty, or early morning duty. I'm not quite sure how he works it, but time & time again, I am out-smarted into giving him the night off while I do it all.
Now, sure sometimes he does his "Man-work" days where he is out in the yard working or out in the garage tinkering around. During the "man days", it is strict instruction for me that he is doing his man labor, so by default, I am doing mommy labor all day.
Yes, he is working around the house, and I do realize that I need to keep my eye on the big picture here, but during these Man Days, I keep JD out of his hair so that he can catch up on his Honey Do list around the house. My, how great would that be if someone kept JD occupied all day long so I could do MY Honey-Do list, too. Mine seems to be growing in length as each day ticks by (and grows closer to JD's first birthday bash), but no one seems to be concerned with giving me some un-interrupted time to get things done. As a mom, I just need to multi-task and work it into my day. However, as a dad, he needs to escape from his son for hours of uninterrupted labor. How exactly did that happen??
Today is one of those Man Days... it sort of happened by accident that Jeremy pulled his ace out of the hole but he is crossing things off his list and I am inside with JD. Shortly after lunch, Jeremy comes in and asks, "Is there anything you need to get done today?"
Stunned at this question, I could rattle off a million things - 10 loads of laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dishes, laundry shopping & a trip to Wal-Mart, but instead I reply, "Um, a shower would be nice."
"You want to shower today???" My husband questions me as if I just asked for a $500 afternoon shopping spree.
"Yes, a shower." And, with that, I was off to the bathroom - one of those very nice closed-door type of showers that mothers get to experience very infrequently. However, tick, tick tick... can't dawdle too long, before I was back on duty for pre-naptime routine, and the Man Work resumes.
I start to get mad, but then I realize that my husband just does not get it, and it's not his fault. He has never tried to carry an overloaded laundry basket upstairs with an 11 month old child who "thinks" he knows how to climb the stairs. Or tried to unload the dishwasher with an 11 month old child who makes a bee line right for the sharpest knife in the dishwasher faster than mommy can grab it. Or tried to unload groceries with an 11 month old child who screams after every time the refrigerator door slams in his face, mad that he was not quick enough to get to play in the fridge today.
It is hard. I love it, but it is hard, and some appreciation would be nice. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that my husband is working around the house. But in this marriage world of give & take, it would be nice if I had a Woman Work day , too.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
When the sun goes down...
There is just something about going out of the house after dark that is just plain ol' exciting. Maybe the fact that I think this should be my clue to myself that I need some real excitement in my life, but with it getting dark so gosh darn early, I feel myself getting "excited" when I hop in my car after dark.... only to end up at Walmart or the grocery store.
I guess it's still a lingering train of thought from my single girl days... the days, or should I say nights, when anyone who was anyone didn't leave their house to start their night until at least 10pm. I'd spend all day lounging, all evening resting up, and all night out on the town living it up. Those were the glory days, I suppose. Now, this mom is lucky to still be awake at 10pm, but for some reason when I'm outside in the dark, I just get this tinge of something I can't explain.
I don't know what it is about the dark... it brings on that air of excitement and an element of mystery that makes me feel like I am about to do something really fun & special. Then, I realize that I have just arrived in the Dierberg's parking lot to run in for some milk, apple juice & a thing of butter... then turn around, hop back in my car & hurry to get in my comfy pajamas before I miss Glee or The Office.
Hello, old lady life, I have arrived.
I guess it's still a lingering train of thought from my single girl days... the days, or should I say nights, when anyone who was anyone didn't leave their house to start their night until at least 10pm. I'd spend all day lounging, all evening resting up, and all night out on the town living it up. Those were the glory days, I suppose. Now, this mom is lucky to still be awake at 10pm, but for some reason when I'm outside in the dark, I just get this tinge of something I can't explain.
I don't know what it is about the dark... it brings on that air of excitement and an element of mystery that makes me feel like I am about to do something really fun & special. Then, I realize that I have just arrived in the Dierberg's parking lot to run in for some milk, apple juice & a thing of butter... then turn around, hop back in my car & hurry to get in my comfy pajamas before I miss Glee or The Office.
Hello, old lady life, I have arrived.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sports and license plates
The other day I was driving and of course you all know that I LOVE license plates... Anyway, I was stopped at a red light behind a little black sedan with a plate that said NXT YER 1 with a Cubs plate hold around it. Although I'm not a baseball fan myself, I had to stop and laugh at this one. That's pretty clever, if I do say so myself. Although, nowadays, I'm thinking of adopting that same plate, only with an Illinois football ring around it instead...
But anyway, that brings me to another point... baseball. I know this is an unpopular viewpoint, but I would like to go out on a limb and say THANK GOD the hunt for Red October is over. I know, I know, boo, hiss, boo hiss. What a bad St. Louis-an I am.
I must admit that I was captivated by the final game in the 847 game season of our redbirds. I guess it was due to the fact that something was actually on the line - it was the make or break point for the Cards - do or die.
I think that is the problem with baseball. There are SO MANY games that it is total overload - and who really cares if they lose to the Cubs the first 27 times they play them this year, I mean, we will play them again another 27 times before the season is up.
I know... unpopular viewpoint, but I am GLAD Red October is over - baseball is cozily behind us and now we can focus on the important things in life - football and Halloween. :-)
Anyway, as a sidenote, I saw another plate this morning "DR JJP DC." Now, does anyone besides me see a problem with this license plate??? Isn't this a little redundant??
This is one of the things that I find most annoying, and I don't know why. OK, Guy. We get it. You are a doctor. A doctor of chiropractic to be exact... yes siree, I do understand initials, however, I just don't quite understand why this particular Dr. DC feels it's a must to tell the little car behind him at a red light that YES, he is a doctor.... and why yes, he must tell me this twice within a matter of 7 characters.
Annoying.
Anyway, I'm sure that I've seen other interesting plates, however, my memory is continuing to fade as visions of pumpkins & birthday parties dance in my head. :-) Hope you all are enjoying this start to fall as much as I am!!
But anyway, that brings me to another point... baseball. I know this is an unpopular viewpoint, but I would like to go out on a limb and say THANK GOD the hunt for Red October is over. I know, I know, boo, hiss, boo hiss. What a bad St. Louis-an I am.
I must admit that I was captivated by the final game in the 847 game season of our redbirds. I guess it was due to the fact that something was actually on the line - it was the make or break point for the Cards - do or die.
I think that is the problem with baseball. There are SO MANY games that it is total overload - and who really cares if they lose to the Cubs the first 27 times they play them this year, I mean, we will play them again another 27 times before the season is up.
I know... unpopular viewpoint, but I am GLAD Red October is over - baseball is cozily behind us and now we can focus on the important things in life - football and Halloween. :-)
Anyway, as a sidenote, I saw another plate this morning "DR JJP DC." Now, does anyone besides me see a problem with this license plate??? Isn't this a little redundant??
This is one of the things that I find most annoying, and I don't know why. OK, Guy. We get it. You are a doctor. A doctor of chiropractic to be exact... yes siree, I do understand initials, however, I just don't quite understand why this particular Dr. DC feels it's a must to tell the little car behind him at a red light that YES, he is a doctor.... and why yes, he must tell me this twice within a matter of 7 characters.
Annoying.
Anyway, I'm sure that I've seen other interesting plates, however, my memory is continuing to fade as visions of pumpkins & birthday parties dance in my head. :-) Hope you all are enjoying this start to fall as much as I am!!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Oprah update
Um...so.... I think I am on the verge of un-tivo-ing Oprah. I am so over this whole Oprah show thing, it's not even funny.
(OK, OK, so in all fairness, I would drop everything and leave in 5 minutes flat if I was given the opportunity, but that's my story & I'm sticking to it.)
So... late last night I get this email:
Hi Amy!
I'm so sorry it's so late -- I have a very last minute question for you if
you're available?
If you're around tonight, please call!
:)
And then, at 9:37pm, my friend Oprah producer Allyson emails me her phone number. :-) Aaaaaaaaaa (that's my impression of the sound of angels when the heavens open up.)
So, stupid stupid stupid me has managed to drop the ball once again. Yes, I was awake at 9:37pm last night, but do you think I checked my email??? No, why would one check her email while she was anxiously awaiting an email from the Oprah show??? That would make WAY too much sense.
Anywho, so I get this above email first thing this morning and at 7am sharp, I call ol' girl and leave here a friendly, fun, upbeat voicemail message.
And... do you think I get so much as an email back??? Ol girl can email me at 9:37 asking me to drop everything and call that night, but when I call her back, do I get so much as a flippin' pinky wave as a response?? No.
Ugh, it's getting annoying, this living on the edge of my seat waiting for "the call." Come on, O, I thought you'd do better than leaving a girl hanging like this!!!
Anyway, I previously thought this show was taping tomorrow due to some intense oprah.com research, but I think I was wrong... so... maybe I do have more time....
more time to sit....and wait.
I'll keep you posted!!!
(OK, OK, so in all fairness, I would drop everything and leave in 5 minutes flat if I was given the opportunity, but that's my story & I'm sticking to it.)
So... late last night I get this email:
| show details 9:37 PM (22 hours ago) |
I'm so sorry it's so late -- I have a very last minute question for you if
you're available?
If you're around tonight, please call!
:)
And then, at 9:37pm, my friend Oprah producer Allyson emails me her phone number. :-) Aaaaaaaaaa (that's my impression of the sound of angels when the heavens open up.)
So, stupid stupid stupid me has managed to drop the ball once again. Yes, I was awake at 9:37pm last night, but do you think I checked my email??? No, why would one check her email while she was anxiously awaiting an email from the Oprah show??? That would make WAY too much sense.
Anywho, so I get this above email first thing this morning and at 7am sharp, I call ol' girl and leave here a friendly, fun, upbeat voicemail message.
And... do you think I get so much as an email back??? Ol girl can email me at 9:37 asking me to drop everything and call that night, but when I call her back, do I get so much as a flippin' pinky wave as a response?? No.
Ugh, it's getting annoying, this living on the edge of my seat waiting for "the call." Come on, O, I thought you'd do better than leaving a girl hanging like this!!!
Anyway, I previously thought this show was taping tomorrow due to some intense oprah.com research, but I think I was wrong... so... maybe I do have more time....
more time to sit....and wait.
I'll keep you posted!!!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
OPRAH!!!!
Some of you may know this already, but I am on the brink of one of the most exciting things that have ever happened to me in my entire life. No, I'm not moving, I'm not pregnant again, and I certainly have not won the lottery.
However, I have recently made contact with Oprah's staff, and I am flippin' out excited about it!!
"How did this all start?" you may be thinking to yourself. Well. One of my mom's friends got to go on the Oprah show a few months ago and sit in the first few rows of the audience because she had written in on oprah.com about an upcoming show topic. The producers emailed her, a love was formed, and before you knew it, she was headed to beautiful Chicago, Illinois to a taping at Harpo studios.
So, taking a page from her book, I decided to do the same thing. I wrote in on a show topic about post-baby marriages and keeping the love alive in your marriage, and a few days later, I get an email in my gmail asking me for my picture if I was interested in appearing on the show in the first few rows of the audience.
A skeptic at heart, I tried to contain my excitement as I searched for a picture that looked like something Queen O herself would like to have in her audience. I ended up picking a picture of me from a wedding we went to a couple months ago where I was wearing a bright colored dress, reasoning that the produers could infer from wearing bright colors, that I also had a bright personality. A stretch for logic but my mind was spinning in all directions.
I sent that in on a Thursday and for the remainder of the day and the next day, I checked my email like a madwoman, but no response. A girl on the verge of O can only be so patient!!!
Saturday rolls around and I was busy, busy, busy with my little monkey man, and for some reason, I thought to myself that Oprah's producers don't work weekends, so I checked my gmail at approximately 11:40am, and then I did not recheck again until about 7:30pm.
Man, oh man, did I drop the ball on that one! Oprah's producer Allyson emailed me at 11:42am (gasp!) asking if there was a time that day (Saturday) that I would be available to talk to her on the phone.
Crap, crap, double crap. Here I am, 7:30pm, just getting this email and feeling like a total loser... like some high school athlete who missed what could've been the winning shot with the final seconds ticking off the clock. I hurriedly shot off an email to her that OF COURSE I would be available to talk to her any time at all (heck, even 3am if that's what I needed to do), and to please, please call because I would LOVE to go to the show.
So...Sunday ticks by with about 137,584 log-ins to my gmail.... nothing.
Monday comes and goes without so much as a reply to my email.
I am hopeful for Tueday, but if today ends without a reply, I am feeling that I did indeed miss the boat. As much as I am kicking myself for not checking my email with ocd-intensity, it will be OK for the following reasons:
(a) as most of you moms know anyway, it would be really hard to just up & leave in a moment's notice and expect Jeremy to do what I do (I don't know why this is so hard, but it's just one of those things that is difficult as a mom)
(b) as soon as Jeremy learned that I would have to mention him in my questions at the show, he became not so fond of my going (which, I would go anyway, tough cookies for him, but it could cause post-oprah-show tension in theory)
(c) In a most surprising move, my mom is at the lake and said she wouldn't come home to go to the show with me (what?!?!?!?) and my sister's husband is out of town, so it is unlikely that she could go to the show with me (?!?!??!?!?!?!), and those are by far, the two biggest Oprah lovers that I know, and it would be hard to find someone else who could drop everything to go, and plus, it wouldn't feel right if I couldn't take one of them. They just may hate me forever.
So, like I said I am still hopeful. I still think it could happen. And boy, oh boy would I be doing cartwheels around my living room if it did. But for right now, I am trying to keep my cool and wish my way onto Oprah's show. :-)
However, I have recently made contact with Oprah's staff, and I am flippin' out excited about it!!
"How did this all start?" you may be thinking to yourself. Well. One of my mom's friends got to go on the Oprah show a few months ago and sit in the first few rows of the audience because she had written in on oprah.com about an upcoming show topic. The producers emailed her, a love was formed, and before you knew it, she was headed to beautiful Chicago, Illinois to a taping at Harpo studios.
So, taking a page from her book, I decided to do the same thing. I wrote in on a show topic about post-baby marriages and keeping the love alive in your marriage, and a few days later, I get an email in my gmail asking me for my picture if I was interested in appearing on the show in the first few rows of the audience.
A skeptic at heart, I tried to contain my excitement as I searched for a picture that looked like something Queen O herself would like to have in her audience. I ended up picking a picture of me from a wedding we went to a couple months ago where I was wearing a bright colored dress, reasoning that the produers could infer from wearing bright colors, that I also had a bright personality. A stretch for logic but my mind was spinning in all directions.
I sent that in on a Thursday and for the remainder of the day and the next day, I checked my email like a madwoman, but no response. A girl on the verge of O can only be so patient!!!
Saturday rolls around and I was busy, busy, busy with my little monkey man, and for some reason, I thought to myself that Oprah's producers don't work weekends, so I checked my gmail at approximately 11:40am, and then I did not recheck again until about 7:30pm.
Man, oh man, did I drop the ball on that one! Oprah's producer Allyson emailed me at 11:42am (gasp!) asking if there was a time that day (Saturday) that I would be available to talk to her on the phone.
Crap, crap, double crap. Here I am, 7:30pm, just getting this email and feeling like a total loser... like some high school athlete who missed what could've been the winning shot with the final seconds ticking off the clock. I hurriedly shot off an email to her that OF COURSE I would be available to talk to her any time at all (heck, even 3am if that's what I needed to do), and to please, please call because I would LOVE to go to the show.
So...Sunday ticks by with about 137,584 log-ins to my gmail.... nothing.
Monday comes and goes without so much as a reply to my email.
I am hopeful for Tueday, but if today ends without a reply, I am feeling that I did indeed miss the boat. As much as I am kicking myself for not checking my email with ocd-intensity, it will be OK for the following reasons:
(a) as most of you moms know anyway, it would be really hard to just up & leave in a moment's notice and expect Jeremy to do what I do (I don't know why this is so hard, but it's just one of those things that is difficult as a mom)
(b) as soon as Jeremy learned that I would have to mention him in my questions at the show, he became not so fond of my going (which, I would go anyway, tough cookies for him, but it could cause post-oprah-show tension in theory)
(c) In a most surprising move, my mom is at the lake and said she wouldn't come home to go to the show with me (what?!?!?!?) and my sister's husband is out of town, so it is unlikely that she could go to the show with me (?!?!??!?!?!?!), and those are by far, the two biggest Oprah lovers that I know, and it would be hard to find someone else who could drop everything to go, and plus, it wouldn't feel right if I couldn't take one of them. They just may hate me forever.
So, like I said I am still hopeful. I still think it could happen. And boy, oh boy would I be doing cartwheels around my living room if it did. But for right now, I am trying to keep my cool and wish my way onto Oprah's show. :-)
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